


Now and Forever

by bipabrena



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eren regrets the way he's been towards Mikasa, F/M, No smut if that's what you're looking for, Reconciliation, Regret, only after a very big scare though, only fluff and a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 20:03:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16025006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bipabrena/pseuds/bipabrena
Summary: After tragedy strikes, Eren is forced to reflect on his abrasive treatment towards his most loyal friend, and feels compelled to change for her sake. He begins to see her in a different light, and while he doesn't understand what's brewing inside him, for her he's willing to go at any lengths so long as it means she's safe.I'm so bad with summaries, I'm sorry





	Now and Forever

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone! Please do welcome me to the Eremika fandom, since this is my first work for them, lol. I never cared about them, but I've been finding them interesting lately so I wanted to do this little work, specially after reflecting on the change in dynamic between Eren and Mikasa after the ordeal with Reiner and Bertolt. I really, really hope you like this! Thank you if you chose to give this a chance!

Blood. So much blood. And that crack, that disgusting crack. Eren writhed against Bertolt’s body, and his ears would thump over his mortified screams that’d accompany Jean and Armin’s if his mouth wasn’t muffled.

“Mikasa!” Armin’s throat burned from the intense screaming, tears pouring down his cheeks. Not caring about the Titans around Reiner that Jean was already slaughtering, he kicked his horse repeatedly for it to gallop as fast as it could. In midst of the chaos, Armin’s horse tripped which sent both it and the blond rolling. A thin trail of blood ran down Armin’s eyebrow, coming out of a wound that opened by the friction between the ground and the speed with which Armin slid over the dirt.

He ran hurriedly, almost tripping over his own feet, futilely hoping that were was some way to help her, but his mind knew better.

“Mikasa!” he screamed again.

White light encapsulated the tiny body of the girl that lay on the ground, and everything around it was both darkened and blurred by Armin’s vision. All he could focus on was that body, that body with a once white shirt that was now puddled in red, which matched the scarf that had gone flying off the girl’s neck.

 _Please, God! This can’t be happening!_ Armin hooked his anchors on the Armoured Titan’s ankle, and propelled himself forward to reach her faster.

“Mikasa!” he yelled again, and the white light in his vision expanded to find a kneeling Jean that sobbed uncontrollably as he shook the girl’s shoulder.

Armin stopped, and extended his arms as to touch her, but his hands shook, and he screamed. He screamed as loudly and desperately as he had when he saw Eren being eaten before him.

Except this time he knew that, unlike with Eren then, nothing could be done to save her.

This only made him scream louder, and he too joined Jean in kneeling before her. Her left arm was missing, as it was ripped off and eaten by the Titan that crushed her ribs, and there was a hole with a flesh pattern of teeth where her shoulder should have been. The blood loss was immense, but in theory she should still be somewhat conscious.

But she wasn’t, because the pain of having her ribs crushed and her arm ripped off sent her body deep into unconsciousness to protect her, but that wasn’t the issue.

The issue was the fall. The height at which she fell after being dropped by the Titan. She had landed on her back and hit her head in the process.

She was barely alive when Jean finished killing all the Titans around them, and her life was extinguished by the time Armin reached her.

Moments later, Sasha and Connie caught up, close enough to see Jean and Armin but too far away to see what they were doing.

“Oi!” Connie yelled in frustration, his voice echoing to deaf ears. “What are you doing!? We need to defeat Reiner so we can get Eren and withdraw! We already lost the Commander, you’re going to get eaten if you stay there!”

“Huh…” Sasha mumbled. “What are they…” she kicked her horse to gallop again, which Connie questioned but she ignored him.

Her stomach suddenly dropped.

“Hey!” Connie caught up, holding her shoulder. “We need to hurry so we can—“ he finally understood what was happening. Sasha’s jaw quivered, and Connie stared in disbelief.

For everyone, Eren stopped existing.

Eren continued furiously writhing against Bertolt, who couldn’t help feeling shock over his enemy.

Suddenly, Eren’s eyes glowed and a yellow-green aura surrounded his body, and the sound of lightning struck the open plains, which sent everything around him flying.  

Eren’s vision shifted from black to white, black to white, the epileptic light making him nauseous.

He felt his eyes open by their own volition, and all he could see was black. Then, a light gradually appeared, and he saw a little girl with a white dress and a pink cardigan, fashioning beautiful, long, black hair that danced as she ran with a happy smile towards him.

“M…” he took a step forward. “Mikasa?”

With every two steps, her appearance changed and seemed to mature gradually, until she wore the Survey Corps uniform and once Eren’s red scarf wrapped around her neck. She suddenly stopped, and curiously looked at Eren.

“Mikasa?” he approached her.

Her eyes suddenly seemed glassy as she pulled her scarf up to her nose, and his heart contracted painfully when he saw nothing but those grey orbs fill with transparent water, which then rolled down her cheeks.

Time seemed to slow down, and he perfectly saw transparent and imperfect, wobbly circles free-fall, until they hit the ground with a tiny splash.

Time moved again, and he looked up at her face again to find the tears wouldn’t stop streaming.

“W-why do you cry? Mikasa—“ he took a step closer, but he bumped into what seemed to be a wall, even though he clearly saw everything before him.

And then a clone of him appeared, one young, then another one, a little more mature, then another one, which seemed to be exactly the way he is now.

They all surrounded the teary girl, and they started to yell simultaneously, but Eren couldn’t make out what they said.

The young Eren with the Cadet Corps uniform pushed Mikasa with violence twice. “No buts! I said leave it!” his eyes pierced her angrily, gritting his teeth.

Another young Eren with the same uniform appeared in front of her, and he forcefully butted his forehead against hers, which made her hold it in pain. “Get real, Mikasa! Humanity’s on the brink of extinction, nobody gives a fuck about what you want!”

“Hey!” the real Eren snapped. “What are you doing!? Leave her!” He tried running towards her, but the transparent wall remained between them.

The two younger Eren’s dissipated, but more seemed to appear, all yelling at the crying girl, some pushing her at the same time, others headbutting her with anger.

Eren grit his teeth. “Stop treating her like that! Hey!”

He couldn’t make out what they said, but the stress lit up in him like a match.

“Stop!” he screamed.

His echoing voice silenced everything, and creaks formed on the wall before him and suddenly shattered. He protected his face with his arms.

 _It was glass?_ He wondered. He clicked his tongue, setting the thought aside, and ran towards Mikasa.

“Hey! Are you okay?” he asked, but Mikasa only looked at the floor sadly.

_I don’t understand. What’s going on? Wasn’t I with Bertolt just now?_

And then he remembered. Mikasa had been eaten. He gasped, and held Mikasa’s shoulders.

“Hey! Look at me!”

Mikasa complied, and her glassy eyes widened at his sight.

He slowly pulled her scarf down, and took in her every feature. She seemed so soft and delicate, and yet she could send a 200 lb guy flying.

He sighed in relief. “I don’t understand what’s going on, but we should get going now.” He held the sleeve of her shirt and turned his back to her to leave. “Come on.”

She wouldn’t budge, though. He turned to look at her, and his eyes slightly wavered at her smile.

“Eren…” she touched her scarf. “Thank you.”

“Huh?” he shook his head. “For what?”

She didn’t respond.

“W-whatever, let’s just go, okay?”

“Oka—“ she was cut midsentence, and Eren’s mouth hung as blood splattered on his face. He stared in disbelief as a Titan bit her in half, and swallowed her with a stupid smile.

He reached his arm out for her, and screamed.

The Titan disappeared, and he could only see her body, now only from the waist down, fall.

He fell flat on his ass and slithered back to create distance, screaming as tears prickled his eyes. He felt the blood on his face go through him like acid.

Never ceasing the sobbing, throat now raspy, he crawled towards what was left of her and quivered uncontrollably.

He felt something embrace his neck, and he found the red scarf wrap around him, tainted with fresh blood.

He didn’t know what to do.

Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain on the back of his head—a kick which sent him rolling. He weakly got on all fours and looked up, to find Armin and Jean before him. They looked at him with disgust, and his heart shrunk at seeing his best friend, always kind and docile, look at him with nothing but absolute hatred.

“This was all your doing,” Armin said.

“You killed Mikasa,” Jean followed up, “because you couldn’t protect her. Because she always bailed you out.”

“And it’s because you weren’t man enough,” his eyes widened immensely at the sound of the voice he recognised, as Carla walked towards him. “I told you. I told you, Eren. I told you you had to be a man and be there for her, too. But this is what you did instead.”

He felt a kick across his face, which sent a tooth flying. “Just like back then, right?” Levi’s voice added.

“Because you made the wrong choice,” he said “my squad that swore to protect you died. They all died one by one. And you just stared.”

Levi kicked him in the stomach, and he vomited blood.

More people appeared, all reminding him of the mistakes he’d ever made in his life, and they all started shouting simultaneously, which only served to agitate Eren more.

But he could only think of her, and he could only hear the disgusting crack when Mikasa’s ribs were crushed, hear her painful, yet strangely beautiful scream, he could only feel the blood splattered all across his face that burned like acid, and he could only see the little girl that followed him around everywhere.

He started screaming at the top of his lungs, not able to control the tears that wouldn’t stop streaming.

And then Eren sat up, gasping as though he had been holding his breath for too long, and felt his face drenched with sweat.

He put a shaking hand over his face, then looked at it to find that there was no blood, only sweat.

He remained seated on the bed, trying to understand what had happened.

_A nightmare?_

Why was he here?

Yes, he remembered. He was resting after depleting all his energy and overexerting his body in Hange’s experiments. She had gotten carried away again, though this time more than ever, and Eren had been bedridden for two days now.

Two days didn’t help him rest, though. If anything, he felt even worse now.

He looked around the room, finding himself completely alone. There was a wooden bench next to the bed, and there lay the red scarf of his dream.

His jaw quivered, and his vision blurred. He tried to get up, but only fell off the bed and hit his head. He got on all fours and he bit the inside of his lip until he tasted iron, all to contain his whimpers, trying to find her.

“Mikasa?” he called. “Mikasa!” his voice broke pathetically. He felt he had lost his voice.

As though a higher power had heard his pleas, the door opened and he found the girl he saw die twice enter silently and calmly, fashioning a long, black skirt and a purple cardigan. She was carrying a small box which contained red threads, needles and scissors, presumably to sew the scarf she left on the bench.

Eren whimpered, his glassy eyes widening in awe.

Mikasa closed the door, and she jolted in fright when seeing Eren.

“Eren!?” she called in worry.

She couldn’t continue her sentence, as Eren mustered all his strength to propel himself off the floor and crash his body against hers, banging her against the door. The box fell, and Mikasa was in shock.

He put his ear over her chest, and his breath hitched when hearing her heart beat.

It was like music to his ears.

“Y… you’re alive,” he stated in awe.

Blushing immensely over the rare, but not unwelcomed, bodily contact, she still called his name in worry. “Eren, what’s going on? Are you okay?” she put her hand on his forehead, expecting to find a fever.

He stood up abruptly, looking at her. He slapped her hand away from him, and stared.

“Eren, I’m going to call the nurse. Get back in bed and w—“

“No!” he grabbed her wrist. “Please… please don’t go. Don’t leave me.” His eyes watered.

Seeing his eyes water almost elicited the same reaction in her. “Eren, did you have a bad dream? Let me get you back in—“

“No!” He tightened his grip. “You haven’t promised. You haven’t promised you won’t leave me!”

She was absolutely flabbergasted. She couldn’t understand anything. Had he gone mad from the experiments?

“I don’t need to promise you that,” she reassured, looking at her wrist being held by him.

He was touching her. He never touched her. But he was now. It made her happy.

Her eyes widened when seeing tears roll down his cheeks, lips curved down in the most heartbreaking frown.

He looked down and sobbed quietly. He slid his hand from her wrist to her hand, and interlaced his fingers around it, though she didn’t reciprocate.

“I saw you die…” he mumbled barely above a whisper, but she couldn’t understand him.

They were in silence for what appeared to be forever.

Eren snuffled, and wiped his tears dry with his forearm. He looked at her with determination, and brought her hand to his chest.

He had never held her so gently before. She wanted to cry over this alone.

“From now on, I’ll be the one to protect you,” he said. “Forget about that,” he pointed at the scarf, suddenly remembering his words to her before striking the Smiling Titan. “I won’t just wrap that around you. I will volunteer my body to shield your own, now and forever, for as many times as is necessary!”

Her tiny lips parted.

“I don’t care how strong you are,” he pressed her hand against his chest. “I will never put you in danger again!”

“Eren…” her expression softened.

“But in return…” he averted his gaze sadly, remembering all the times he was abrasive towards her and why. “All I ask is that you believe in me. I want you to believe in my strength.” He made eye contact again. “I want you to believe I can protect you, too. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Eren,” tears rolled down her smooth, pale cheeks.

She didn’t understand what happened, why he was so strange and different all the sudden, but this change was not unwelcomed.

“I swear to keep that promise,” she finally reciprocated and wrapped her fingers around his.

He frowned, and brought her close for an awkward hug. Now that he was fully awake and aware she was alive, he felt less determined and more embarrassed.

While it was true he couldn’t, at the moment, reciprocate the kind of undying devotion and love she had for him, for her he was willing to try. They both felt different kinds of love for each other, but all Eren cared about was that Mikasa was alive. She was live, breathing and heart beating right before him.

He created distance between their bodies, and cleared his throat awkwardly.

“S-sorry about that,” he crouched to pick up the wooden box and its contents.

She looked at him fondly, and shook her head. “It’s okay.”

He looked at the box. “I never learned to sew,” he lamented. “Whenever mom said she wanted me to learn, I refused because I thought it wasn’t manly enough.”

He chuckled, “In hindsight, I’ve always tried too hard to prove I’m a man, huh? Funnily enough, I never have been.”

“That’s not true,” she shook her head. “Eren, you’re—“

“Come on,” he willingly cut her off mid-sentence, walking towards the bed. “Let’s sew that old thing together.”

She followed him, sitting on the bench. “Eren… I can’t. You might ruin it. I can teach you with something else.”

“Aw,” he pouted. “Didn’t you just promise you’d always believe in me?” he crossed his arms and tried to look angry.

She smiled softly. “Of course… just not for sewing.”

“Whatever,” he slithered back on the bed, resting his back against the wall. He patted the space next to his right. “Sit here. It’s fine if I just watch, right?”

Her smile reverted. “W-what?”

“Huh? Sit with me. I mean, that bench doesn’t look comfortable. I won’t force you if you don’t want—“

Before he could finish the sentence, he felt weight press down the bed, and Mikasa was already next to him, holding the scarf to her now crossed legs. She bore a fond smile, too shy for her eyes to meet Eren.

Her knee met his, and she subtly moved closer to him, blushing.

They were in silence for a moment, and Eren felt embarrassed.

Mikasa, however, was enjoying every second. She felt butterflies in her stomach. She couldn’t stop herself from leaning against Eren.

“H-hey!” he called, alarmed at how close she was. He reflexively pushed her off him, due to habit.

He immediately regretted this upon seeing the look in Mikasa’s eyes.

It looked as though her world had been shattered. Like she had been given hope and had it snatched away from her.

Eren’s mouth hung in regret, cursing himself for quickly promising himself prior to this he wouldn’t treat her like this anymore and breaking that promise just as fast.

She created distance between them, and looked sadly at the scarf on her thighs. She grabbed the threads and needle in preparation to sew the torn bits back.

“I… I mean…” Eren said, which Mikasa ignored.

He put his hand over hers with regretful eyes. He stroke her thumb with his own, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” hoping that would make her look at him.

He succeeded.

“I still have a lot to change,” he smiled shyly. “B-But I promise I’ll try. Will you be patient with me until then? W-well, you’ve been nothing but patient with me, but what I mean is—“

She chuckled, which Eren immediately relaxed at.

“Okay…” She smiled kindly at him. “I promise I’ll try.”

He returned the smile, and lost himself in her eyes. He was grateful she was alive. That they were alive.

Mikasa began sewing the old scarf, and Eren observed every movement, impressed by the way her thin fingers danced. He then thought of how skilled she was, and felt bad, though only for a second, for Bertolt and Reiner.

They had made a fearsome enemy.

He smiled and leaned against her, which made her freeze.

“Sorry, I hope you don’t mind.”

Her eyes watered.

“I don’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it. Please leave some kudos or a comment if you enjoyed this (or didn't, I accept all criticism), support means a lot to me!
> 
> Here's my tumblr if you want to see some of my art, Eremika included: http://bipabrena.tumblr.com/  
> You can also send prompts if you like.
> 
> I wrote this way too fast, I probably should've taken my time, but I got inspired and just wanted to post this ASAP lol by the way, the instances where Eren is being physical and cruel to Mikasa I took from SNK itself, just so you know. Just saying so it feels more coherent.


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